Costa Rica is where I faced a few of my life long crippling fears and conquered them. I can’t recall, years later, how or why I came to deciding that Costa Rica would be a vacation destination for us, but it completely transformed me and I am forever grateful. What I recall is finding some internet special for a hotel at Flamingo Beach and simultaneously finding a fairly reasonable flight with one stopover through Houston to Liberia which was a fairly new airport at the time.

I remember researching what was available to do while there and how I naively and possibly deliberately booked excursions so that I would be forced out of my usual comfort level. I found a tour guide company across the street from our resort and basically decided to work with them for the week.

I think I wanted to ease into our trip by starting with what I thought would be a leisurely trip via ATV up and around a mountain and ending up at a beach. I had read about the possibilities of seeing monkeys in the jungle and the idea of being first in a lush setting and then basking on a sun drenched beach seemed appealing. However, I had never ridden on an ATV let alone drive one on my own. Our guide taught me how to start the engine and to use my right thumb to power the gas and to use my four fingers on both hands to power the brakes and off we went.

We started off slow as we climbed up into the mountain and saw a few monkeys in the trees watching us on our adventure. Then the trip took a more hair-raising turn, literally, as the road got narrower, windier and steeper with a possibility of a scary drop-off down the mountain to my right. I felt at times I was going to lose control of the vehicle and topple over as we went up the winding path. I broke out in a cold sweat as we rode over muddy pot holes which destabilized my grip on the ATV. I remember having inner conversations with myself to control my breath like in the yoga classes I used to take regularly as without oxygen, I would not be able to properly react at a moment’s notice should I go careening off the path or topple my vehicle sideways. I focused my sight on how my guide was physically moving and maneuvering his ATV in front of me and began mimicking his actions. That’s when the transformation happened. I began understanding the choreography involved with driving the ATV, and I began to gain more control, lessening my fear.

After about an hour into the hair-raising ride around the mountain, we began our descent to the beach. Once again, I began to experience loss of control of my ATV as I started to slide down the hill over the gravel, and I began to panic. I looked to my guide who was not helpful this time as he was barreling down the hill at an accelerated speed since he had taken that ride many times before and knew when and where to shift and turn. I basically gripped on the brakes the entire way down and was drenched in a blanket of sweat from fear by the time we emerged out onto the beautiful sunny flat beach with the soothing sounds of the waves. There are photos of me beaming at the beach, sitting on top of the ATV, because I had lived to tell about my first ATV adventure and accomplished so much psychologically, emotionally and intellectually during that ride but I felt enriched and a bit more courageous as a result.

The next excursion was possibly the scariest of them all. First we started via horseback to the top of the mountain where we had been driven in a van for over an hour, high up into the clouds up to the very tip top of the city. As per my usual luck, the horse I was assigned liked to wander and veer off the path which exemplifies me to a T so I fear that I have a predilection to horses that embody my true self. In any case, my horse walked away from the pack and stepped into a ditch, nearly bucking me off so I was already petrified and shaken by the time we reached our starting point for our zipline experience. I got off the horse and looked far down from the top of the mountain and could not see the bottom as the clouds shielded it. A chill of fear went through and reverberated throughout my body. I turned to my guide, looked at my crazy horse and said that I would ride him back to the stable on my own and forego the ziplining part. I had turned every shade of white and gone numb from the utter fear of possibly plunging to my death in that very deep abyss. To this day, I do not think I have experienced the sheer and utter horror I felt in that moment. I was deathly afraid of heights and had had a lifetime of recurring dreams of falling from great heights so this was literally my nightmare coming true and I had booked it and paid for it!!

By some miracle or perhaps obliviousness, I was convinced to put on gloves and was strapped into the zipline contraption. We were given instructions on how to position our bodies, where to place our hands and how to brake. Though I paid close attention to what was being relayed, I truly felt like getting sick from the nerves, anxiety and facing my fears as well as the unknown.

For the first 6 of 11 zip lines down the mountain, I screamed the whole way across with my eyes closed. At the 6th stop, one of the tour guides shook me out of my self absorption. He told me I was missing everything, that I had flown a long way, at great expense and was missing everything that was beautiful and magnificent around me. He assured me I would be safe, between the double cables and men at both ends of the line, nothing was going to happen to me or any of us.

It was at that moment that I woke up out of my self induced coma and decided to face my fears head on. I was still beyond petrified but became less so as we went along because we got closer to the ground level, but his words resonated in my head as I took the plunge on those last 5 lines until we reached the bottom where he gave me a high five and congratulated me on my bravery.

I am forever grateful to him for teaching me to believe in him, in others and in myself to get through one of the most perilous experiences of my life. Of course, as I write and read this, I likely sound spoiled and sheltered to some and perhaps I was until that point. I was given the seeds of courage, planted them and have been watering and nurturing them ever since.

Our next excursion in comparison was quite tame. I had booked a whitewater rafting trip which wasn’t as scary due to the timing of our visit. It hadn’t rained in days so the flow of the water was nowhere near perilous so it was just a typical rafting trip though admittedly I had never rafted or paddled down the river along and around rocks. What was actually scary for me was swinging off a rope, when we took a break halfway down, and allowing myself to drop yards down into ice cold water. I had always hated diving so swinging off a steep wall and letting go and dropping was no different. It took me a while to muster up the courage to literally take the plunge but yet again, after that accomplishment, I felt proud for not allowing fear to cripple me and for pushing and breaking through another barrier.

Over the next few years, when I have been faced with the unknown, I look back at those pivotal moments and though I may have screamed all the way to the other side and at times was paralyzed with fear, unable to move and think, I figured out a way to get through it, by having faith in myself and others, by taking deep cleansing breaths and by doing what so many others did before me. I was able to shed several layers of fear and emerged forever changed. Costa Rica gifted me with strength, courage and transformation, and because of that, it will forever be a special place in my heart.

Pura Vida!!

https://flamingoadventures.com